Film Flashback: Disaster Movie (2008)

I love puns, silly sight gags and parodies. I think “Mystery Science Theater” was brilliant. Some of my favorite comedies are “The Naked Gun” series and “Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood,” but  starting in 2000 with “Scary Movie,” filmmakers forgot how to make a good parody and abandoned all sense of wit and subtle humor in films that would make 13-year-olds shake their heads and think they could do better.

Jon Barren Farmer/Lionsgate Publicity
[From left] Lisa (Kim Kardashian) and Amy (Vanessa Minnillo) in “DISASTER MOVIE.”

All of which leads to my first goose egg Film Flashback– “Disaster Movie” — and rarely has a movie had a more appropriate title.

Fresh off of debacles “Meet the Spartans,” “Epic Movie” and “Date Movie,” filmmakers (in the loosest sense of the word possible) Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer do their worst to ensure you won’t laugh once during their latest spoof-fest. About the only good thing their parody franchise has done is provide Carmen Electra steady work so I guess I should sorta appreciate them for that if nothing else…

Jon Barren Farmer/Lionsgate Publicity
Carmen Electra as Beautiful Assassin.

“Disaster Movie” is  devoid of anything resembling humor or vaguely entertaining.  What follows is slightly akin to shooting defenseless fish in a barrel with a rocket launcher – provided the fish, really, really had it coming and these filmmakers deserve it all for putting this functional garbage together.

Seltzer and Friedberg clearly have an amazing pitch … or very incriminating photos of some movie company bigwigs.

The duo reference everything from summer blockbusters “Iron Man, “The Dark Knight and “The Incredible Hulk” to pop icons Justin Timberlake, Amy Winehouse and Hannah Montana. But if you were looking for them to be funny…well you’re not in for many laughs.

Jon Barren Farmer/Lionsgate Publicity
Crista Flanagan as Juney.

The “Juno” and “High School Musical” bits are the rare cases that are funny, but it’s like wading through manure to grab a $100 bill. Sometimes it’s just not worth it.

“Cloverfield” actually makes for a better tent pole film than other Seltzer/Friedberg collaborations as they can work in the spoofs a bit more naturally so they’re not as forced.

Will (Matt Lanter, “Star Wars: The Clone Wars”) leads his friends Calvin (2012 FF: I love how the actor playing Calvin’s stage name of “G-Thang” is far more ridiculous than his character’s name) and Juney (Crista Flanagan, “Meet the Spartans”) on a mission to save his girlfriend Amy (Vanessa Minnillo) from a disaster that could destroy the city.

Jon Barren Farmer/Lionsgate Publicity
Calvin (Gary ‘G-Thang’ Johnson), Juney (Crista Flanagan), Will (Matt Lanter) and Lisa (Kim Kardashian) are on the path to disaster.

What’s  most disappointing  is there’s always something worth spoofing in these summer movies, but Seltzer and Friedberg always take the cheap way out. I’d be more impressed if they were 5-year-olds. At least then they’d be writing at their grade level.  If ever there was a more appropriately titled movie, it’s this one. Don’t even bother seeing this if you lose a bet.

2012 Film Flashback Rating: 0 out of 10

Sure, it boasts an all-star lineup of hotness with Carmen Electra, Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Millino/Lachey, but under no circumstance should that give you an excuse, even in your weakest moment to consider spending any time with this debacle.

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