Back from the mid-season break, the Divas have returned for another few months of arguing, partying, gossiping, traveling, lying and occasionally catching glimpses of actual wrestling. To set the stage for you newcomers: Nikki Bella is happily in a state of bliss with John Cena. She’s happy. He’s happy, but her twin sister, Brie, and brother, JJ, think Nikki would be soooo much happier if John made some sacrifices like Nikki or at least was willing to reconsider the whole no marriage, no kids thing.
On one hand, good for Nikki’s siblings for looking out for her, but on the other, she does seem really happy and I doubt most women would consider a life with John Cena settling. John considers Brie and JJ’s advice and breaks up with Nikki so she can find someone who can provide what she really wants. If nothing else, “Total Divas” makes Cena to be possible the nicest, sweetest boyfriend in the history of reality TV.
So here’s the six big events from tonight’s episode that hints at a very fun second half of this season.
Brie-Mode Be Backpedaling
After instigating the Cena/Nikki breakup things, Brie wonders why Cena didn’t mention to Nikki that his conversation with the family prompted the breakup. Cena says he’s not down with throwing people under the bus. I’m not sure Brie could actually see Cena from the moral high ground he’s on at this point. After talking things over with hubby Daniel Bryan, Brie holds another family roundtable to suggest they may want to tell Nikki the truth behind Cena’s decision. JJ, a guy who fully understands this is the peak of his celebrity fame, turns his volume to 15 to argue with Brie and their mother, Kathy, about switching up. Like the rest of the planet, JJ gets that as soon as Nikki hears this news, she’s running right back into Cena’s chiseled chest.
Getting on the same Paige
We’ve got some changes to the Total Divas roster and we’re introduced to our first new addition — Paige, a 22 year-old from England. Paige seems carefree and aware of how her debut and subsequent Divas championship victory probably didn’t sit too well with all of the established Divas. Paige seems cool enough, but as we quickly learn during the course of the episode she’s coming to give Summer Rae some much-needed assistance in making the other Divas life (and the show) a lot more chaotic.
As we’ve learned over the course of the series, Nattie gets stuck helping the wayward and new divas acclimate to life within the WWE (although now probably isn’t the best time for her to dish out marriage advice). Tonight she’s hanging with Paige, who wants to help her loosen up and not worry about those pesky divorce plans with TJ. They’re off to a party. Right away, this looks like a skevy party (one guy is randomly opting against wearing a shirt) and Nattie is solidly overdressed for it. On the plus side we get a random Fandango and Wade Barrett cameo. Predictably, Nattie is ready to leave as soon as she arrives, but puts on a brave face and takes some selfies with fans and munches on some brownies.
Nattie acting like a dope
Paige gives her the heads up those brownies may have been packed with a little something extra, which prompts Nattie to zoom way past Rational Blvd. into Straight Up Crazy Town. Off the brownies (minus one bite) into the toilet. Then Nattie freaks out while working out that she’s exhibiting signs of a pothead.
The next day while traveling with Ariane, Nattie gets the news they’re doing drug testing and everyone is gonna think she’s a druggie for the crumb of pot brownie that’s in her system! Like most sane people, Nattie decides the best way to get out of the test is to stage an accident. But being the responsible diva, even at her craziest, she is, Nattie barely manages to ding their rental car against a Dumpster. Nattie considers milking it all the way and going to the emergency room for the fender scrape, but Ariane talks sense in to her (again, Ariane is the voice of reason here) and Nattie decides to face the music and take the test.
Bella vs Bella
Brie brings Nikki to Kathy’s place. Before the girls (and J.J.) can enjoy a nice meal, Cena calls Nikki to suggest they continue staying apart for now. Nikki is crushed and Kathy tells Brie to
ruin the day tell Nikki the truth. This does not go well at all, with the show blanking out more obscenities in this segment than a year’s worth of Monday Night Raw and Smackdowns. Nikki is pissed and calls a driver to get her from Kathy’s and thanks to some quickie editing, right back into Cena’s arms.
Setting the stage for Summer Slam
The Divas are gathered around backstage to learn the months-long storyline is finally getting a payoff with Brie vs Stephanie McMahon at Summer Slam. The best acting performances is always when the production guy announces a major Divas storyline and the rest of the Divas have to pretend to act happy for someone else.
Turns out in the storyline, Nikki is turning heel on Brie so the timing of the Bella split is perfect. Nikki tells Brie she’ll be professional at work, but she needs time to deal with this betrayal. Don’t lose too much sleep though as the season preview shows Nikki and Bella laughing and partying like all is good soon enough.
Paige gets rookie hazing all wrong
Paige comes by Nattie’s with some toys for Nattie’s cats and a reveal that annoyingly got foreshadowed during the commercial tease — the brownies didn’t actually have marijuana in them, it was just a big practical joke silly. Nattie is annoyed saying how that kind of joke is not funny and could have cost Nattie her job, but I’m kinda with Paige in that how would anyone suspect Nattie would freak out as much as she did? Course, regular viewers of “Total Divas” notwithstanding… Nattie rushes Paige out and agrees with one of her cats that Paige is a “a little bitch.”
Nattie is one of the more likeable Divas on the show, but she was way overboard on this one. Finally, the real issue comes out and Nattie says she’s annoyed that Paige didn’t treat Nattie, the longtime veteran with more respect. Fair point I suppose, but Nattie, let’s not “crash” up any more cars to avoid a drug test, OK?
Whew. That was a lot for one episode and the teaser for the rest of the season looks like this one was slow by comparison. Should be a fun ride.
–Pics courtesy WWE.com and eonline.com