2014’s worst films

Between theatrical releases, Video on Demand and direct to video efforts, I’ve lost count how many movies I’ve seen in 2014 aka the placeholder year until all the awesome 2015 films hit theaters. Funny thing though, 2014 had a slew of really great movies and it was hard to narrow them down to 10. And I definitely wasn’t lacking for options with the worst films of the year either.

Today, I’m looking at the 2014’s worst films. The films that frequently had me questioning one of my career choices and left me fuming after I left the theaters due to their general ineptness. Some films feature Oscar-winners while others star performers I sincerely hope find another direction to take their lives besides being in front of the camera. Enough build-up, time for the list.

Dishonorable Mention:

Into the Storm – Tornadoes suck and so did this movie about a group of storm chasers and the town that gets leveled by a massive storm.

Lucy – Too brainy and boring to do anything with its unique concept.

Neighbors – Just because we haven’t bashed Seth Rogen enough this season.

Top 10 Worst films of 2014

10. The Monuments Men – I feel somewhat bad for adding this to the list as even George Clooney apologized for his surprisingly dull and lackluster look at a real life military unit trying to prevent the Nazis from destroying famous works of art.

Maybe expectations were too high, but this snooze fest was one of the biggest disappointments of the year. They can’t all be The Ides of March, George so we’ll just chalk it up to a wild bachelor party.

9. That Awkward Moment – A romantic comedy film starring critic darlings Michael B. Jordan, Miles Teller and Zac Efron’s abs really could have been the millenials’ go-to film of the genre. Instead, it’s forgettable, trite and painfully unfunny.

Good news though as Teller and Jordan can redeem themselves with next year’s Fantastic Four… Well, at least they’ll be used to a spot on the list come this time next year.

[irp]

8. The Other Woman – A wasted opportunity that could have been a fun ladies-first film that settles for cheap humor that would be less frustrating if it was written by a man as its insulting tone could (somewhat) be forgivable.

The only reasons this isn’t higher on the list is that scene of Kate Upton running along the beach in a bikini. Helping Nicki Minaj realize she didn’t have to dress like a Lady Gaga disciple to get attention was even better.

 

7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – It actively seemed like work to make this modern take of the heroes in a half shell this awful, boring and unnecessary.

With nightmare-inducing character designs, a terrible 3D transfer and inconsistent writing, this may be the biggest offender in the franchise’s live-action history.

6. Pompeii – Paul W.S. Anderson steps away from the Resident Evil franchise to offer his take on a historic disaster with a modern one of his own.

Granted, the special effects of this disaster film are pretty sweet and the way the volcano destruction manages to immediately kill everyone except the main characters unintentionally provides some of the best laughs of the year, but this disaster doesn’t merit spectators.

 

5. Need for Speed – Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and this Fast and Furious rip-off stumbled right out of the starting gate with an audience-insulting script while wasting a fun performance from Michael Keaton and casting serious doubt on Aaron Paul’s ability to headline a film. And somehow it’s still not the worst video game adaptation! But rest assured, this is not one you want to experience all the same.

4. Plastic – Another film whose influences are blatantly obvious. In the last two years, filmmakers have been fascinated with movies with vapid, unlikeable young adults behaving badly (Spring Breakers and The Bling Ring) as if it was some new revelation and Twitter, Facebook and Instagram don’t exist. This waste of Will Poulter and Alfie Allen’s talents is easily the worst of an already bad bunch.

[irp]

3. Rage – Putting a Nicholas Cage film on a Top 10 worst film list may seem a bit obvious, but this insipid effort starts bad, continues bad and ends horribly. It would probably be considered one of Cage’s worst efforts if enough people had bothered to see it. Clearly, the majority of moviegoers were much smarter than me in this case. The only ideal use of this film is if you’re into Awful Movie Nights and need something to end the evening quickly.

2. The Legend of Hercules – Poor Kellan Lutz. The guy finally got his big break in headlining a movie and it happened to be this embarrassing, potentially career-killer for his status as a leading man in Hollywood. It’s not all his fault though as there’s plenty blame to go around with the awful script, bad effects and weak supporting cast. On the bright side, his girlfriend Brittny Ward is Playboy’s Miss January 2015 so he’s doing waaaay better than the other “losers” on this list.

1. Jersey Shore Massacre

Typically, I wouldn’t put a little seen, direct to video film anywhere on the list, but I’ll happily make an exception for this completely worthless movie for wasting my time. This is one of those comedy/horrors that is neither funny or scary, just painful to sit through the awful script, embarrassing acting and barely there direction.

If you’ve never heard of it, consider yourself fortunate and never feel the need to familiarize yourself with this shameless excuse of a movie.

Next Up: My Favorite Films of 2014

Brave enough to risk a bad movie night? Stock up here: