Between Jurassic Games and VelociPastor there’s actually been some very entertaining, low budget dinosaurs-focused films the last couple of years. Jurassic Thunder won’t be joining that list and should retroactively go extinct.
The plot seems to change with the scene. Apparently zombies have arrived in an African village and there’s dinosaurs with lasers. Stop. Apparently it’s the premise of a comic book where the store owner presumably slept through the speculation market of the 90s and still treats his bagged and boarded comics like gold.
No, turns out the film is really about a US/Russian alliance to stop a zombie infestation with armed dinosaurs that no one seems to have a way to control. Yep, that’s not gonna go wrong. And there’s a Trump impersonator (Heath C. Heine), who never manages to be as clownish as the genuine article despite several ill-advised attempts.
That plot summary probably took more time than it did for screenwriter and co-director Milko Davis to actually write the script. Davis seems more of the just shoot it and make sense of everything later.
It certainly doesn’t seem like Davis or co-Director Thomas Martwick left anything on the cutting room floor as they crammed a little bit of everything into this rancid stew. Seemingly every three minutes the film shifts to random shoot-outs an lumbering badly animated dinosaurs.
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The movie looks embarrassingly awful. It seems as if 90 percent of it was filmed inside of one of those booths you’d find at an amusement park booth that superimposed the actors onto another background. It’s one thing to go low-budget, but there’s a certain lack of professionalism here that’s actually impressive. There’s bad CGI and there’s the Jurassic Thunder scale, which would have looked crappy in the 1950s.
OK maybe all this could be explained away by trying to write the film off as an action comedy. I’d argue that’s even more challenging though and humor is well beyond Davis and Martwick’s skill set. Case in point the military official named Col. Sanders.
I felt bad for poor Rick Haak, who gives a performance as Gen. Hicks like he’s working on a Spielberg or Cameron production. You want to see a true professional? That’s Rick Haak. Leon Mayfield plays an African warlord draped in medals who constantly forgets his African accent.
There’s nothing salvageable about Jurassic Thunder. Not even a clear homage to the G.I. Joe team earns them any points. This is a bad idea executed even worse. On the plus side I’ve found the bottom of my bad movie scale and it’s highly unlikely anything will top it.