Finding something positive to say about Girls Just Wanna Have Blood was tricky. It took some doing but at least it’s consistently awful.
From performances to script to direction and the music there’s no redeeming value to this one and it was one of the worst movie experiences I’ve endured.
Outcast Jessica’s (Amanda Renee) is harassed by bullies. Her fortune changes when she meets with Trish (Destyne Marshai), Stacy (Gigi Gustin) and April (Penny Praline). And oh yeah, they’re vampires who love luring their prey to the bedroom with their dirty talk before killing them.
The script is abysmal with Screenwriter/Director Anthony Catanese treating this like his tryout for the adult film industry. There’s ridiculous lines like girls discussing “butt sex,” the holiest of holes and total bummage. And if the subtlety was missing Catanese actually shoots a mini porno scene complete with a money shot that’s supposed to be a plot point.
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Catanese also works in a pervert father hoping to hear his teen daughter making out with her friends or Jessica’s mother who tries to throw out scriptures while offering up threesomes in her nightclub. I think Catanese was aiming to make this a comedy, but that’s worse as the “comedy” is about as potent as a vampire after a sunny morning on the beach.
By the time the film is over, Catanese did his best to offend every group, demographic or purveyors of good taste possible. He even manages to make the nudity as sexy as a cold shower.
On a technical standpoint, transitions and editing are amateurish with some scenes getting needless zooms and the dialogue sounds it was recorded in three separate locations. An actual baby doll is used as a stand-in for Jessica’s baby brother.
And in keeping with trash vampire movies, whenever the actresses have their vampire teeth it’s hard to make out what they’re saying.
Somewhere in the very dark recesses of the conception phase this could have been an interesting movie about women aggressively going after dudes trying to prey on them, but it’s lost in a pool of ineptness. This might be the worst film I’ve ever seen.
Rating: 0 out of 10
Photo Credit: Wild Eye Releasing