Star Wars: The Acolyte – The Acolyte review S1 E8

Turns out just handing over the keys to Star Wars to someone who wants to completely upend everything wasn’t the best idea. The Acolyte wrapped its first and hopefully only season with a cliffhanger seemingly threatening more tales from a series that didn’t have much to say in eight episodes.

Ignoring everything from last episode, we’re back to Osha in her Sith Gen 1 VR helmet. She’s in agony and can’t take it off until she gets some help from Qimir, who needs to coven witch black out his eyes to summon some extra power. Is the Force not enough???

She saw a vision of Mae with a lightsaber about to kill Sol. Qimir tells her it is the future you saw. I’d suggest a drinking game anytime the episode writer, Jason Micallef, blatantly lifted dialogue from The Original Trilogy and The Prequel Trilogy, but there’d be no getting through to the end of the episode. But…that might not be the worst idea actually.

On the ship, presumably post-confessional, Mae is laying in to Sol. Part of the problem with The Choice was the lack of Sol bookending the episode as he began to explain the truth of what happened to the witches and the twins to Mae. It just felt tacked on with no connection.

Sol is clearly the galaxy’s worst Jedi. He couldn’t sense that Mae was breaking free of his restraints. Meanwhile, neophyte Jedi Luke Skywalker could see the FUTURE while doing a headstand and levitating rocks and R2-D2. This guy literally can’t be bothered to ensure his captive doesn’t have a potential weapon.

Further showing his incompetence, Sol watches Mae race off to get an escape ship. Mind you, in Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader stopped an entire ship from flying off. Granted Sol couldn’t levitate young twins and had to choose one, but he couldn’t just Force grab Mae and prevent her from leaving? Oh that’s right, The Acolyte would be the quickest Star Wars show if Sol or any of the other Jedi were made to look remotely competent.

Hey, there is one cool moment in the episode! Sol chases Mae through an asteroid field. That was a good use of $50 million. Just when Sol appears to draw a bead on Mae’s ship to either shoot her down or pull her back in with a tractor beam, Bazil starts pulling away at cords to knock out his device. If you’re wondering if there will be some explanation for why Bazil would do this, you’re not gonna find it in this episode.

Vernestra chats with Senator Raynecourt (David Harewood, Supergirl), who wants to do an external review of the Jedi. Probably a good idea. No telling when a galactic war is going to erupt and capable soldiers are needed. Not these Jedi. Palpatine would have taken exactly two weeks to win the war — Chosen One or not.  Still, that’s not a terrible subplot. It probably should have been explored back in say…episode 2? Or be the focus of one of those nothing happening episodes this season. Pick one.

MORE:

• Image Comics reviews 7/17/24 – Destro #2, Redcoat #4 
• Storm Collectibles King of Fighters ’98 Terry Bogard review
• Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F review 
• G.I. Joe Classified Series Torch review

Qimir offers Osha one last chance to train with him. Why? What made her such an ideal training candidate over Mae, who at least has two Jedi on her ledger? What creature is watching from the other section of the cave? There’s some speculation on his identity, but there’s no need to pick up another mystery when there’s so many already scattered on the floor to be resolved.

Vernestra heads to Brendok, where all the questions will be answered. Mae is hiding out while Sol prefers the direct approach randomly yelling “Mae!” every so often. Dude, that never works in hide and seek. He comes to the bridge, the sight of his greatest failure besides, you know killing the Creepy Coven Leader who seemed to be teleporting her daughter to the great beyond before he stabbed her with his saber. Phrasing.

Why did Mae decide to return home now? Does she have some secret Jedi-defeating weapon tucked away in case of emergency? No matter. Qimir arrives in full Darth Smiley mode. Given how easily Qimir wiped out six Jedi and how generally crummy a Jedi that Sol has been made out to be, this shouldn’t be a contest.  There’s some decent lightsaber play here, but it’s hard to get into it especially with the nods to Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon thrown in.

Mae and Osha finally have their big face off. This is what the show has been building toward all season. Mae tells Osha that Sol killed their mother. “You didn’t fail. He did.” Considering how well the dudes have been portrayed on The Acolyte, it feels like that might have been the motto or at least the T-shirt worn on set by everyone off camera.

The twins start fighting and shockingly have the exact same fighting style. However long it’s been, Osha was trained as a Jedi and a superstar mechanic. Mae has been training as an assassin. They shouldn’t be going move for move like they’re fighting a mirror version of themselves. That was Obi-Wan and Anakin, which actually made sense as Obi-Wan taught Anakin everything he knew. And the music is so dramatic, but definitely no Duel of the Fates.

Why is Sol so angry? It’s not Qimir threatened to corrupt his sister and turn her to the Dark Side. Maybe that was the reason he completely failed to sense Mae? Sol is worthless. “Strike him down and your journey will be complete,” says Qimir. “No, I am a Jedi like my father before me.” Wait that doesn’t work. Of course, ripping off the OT and PT doesn’t work either. Either way, Mae tosses the Jedi like Luke Skywalker to shout out actual good Star Wars moments.

Sol drops the bombshell. “You’re not twins. You are the same person. Your mother used the Force to create you.” Mae wanted Osha to hear Sol confess his “crime” and again, Sol’s lack of Force awareness is shocking.

“Sol, why didn’t you tell me.”  “You were too old to be a Jedi.” Just before Sol explains he loves Osha (which is strictly forbidden BTW), Osha force chokes him. Realizing like Torbin, it’s better to just tap out instead of fighting it, Sol says “Osha, it’s ok with his dying breath.” Yep, pretty sure she was gonna kill you regardless if she had your permission, Sol. And so ends the most worthless Jedi Master in the history of anything remotely connected to Star Wars.

Osha’s rage makes her lightsaber red, which really seems like something that happened in the pre-Disney era. But clearly the Expanded Universe doesn’t count…Tell me, does your lightsaber bleed?

Vernestra and her Jedi arrive and she gasps — these Jedi are wayyy too emotional — upon learning Qimir is alive. Sure, now he takes the helmet off.  She’s also apparently the only Jedi capable of unlocking doors using the Force, which she does to open the same door that stymied Sol so many times.

Meanwhile, the twins have run off. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you!” What did Mae say that Osha didn’t believe again? “I’m sorry I started the fire.” Yeah that’s a far more important apology.

Qimir finds them and Osha offers to become his apprentice if he lets Mae go. But first, he’s gotta do some Sith hocus pocus to wipe her memory. Why not just do the kiss like in Superman II? Oh, that would involve something remotely close to sexualizing the women as opposed to bare-chested dudes flexing their biceps or going full buck-tail nude before baths.

And should we be rooting for Osha to become a Sith? They are evil murderers. Or did Osha just forget about Jecki and Yord getting massacred by the dude she’s heading out with now? But sis, I can change him.

Bazil, that little traitor, is now acting like a bloodhound as the Jedi arrest Mae. Maybe Vernestra paid better than Sol? Mae’s mindwipe is complete so there’s no way of knowing what happened unless no one bothered to check her droid? Ha! Foiled again, Qimir!

Vernestra tells Mae about Sol, the man who killed her mother as she relays the lie she told the Senate Inquisition. Sol went crazy after the conspiracy was leaked and killed his friends before killing himself. Oh, that’s just stupid. Absolutely no one would believe that a Jedi would kill themselves. Ah.

Vernestra promises to help Mae, but she needs her help to find her favorite whipping post. That would be Qimir, who is back to ditching his sleeves. He strolls up next to Osha at his fantasy island and holds her hand and lightsaber looking out at the sun like the heroic conclusion of another Star Wars epic. Yeah, this wasn’t it.

In the not quite post credit scene, Vernestra comes to Yoda’s chamber who apparently has been taking the Yoda Sleep like Odin. Sigh. Let’s just keep him out of this foolishness please.

Speaking of foolish. If The Acolyte is only one season all of these unresolved plot threads are going to seem really silly. If showrunner Leslye Headland couldn’t effectively tell this story in eight episodes, why should she get another eight to botch it again? Hard pass for this season and definitely for any notion of Season 2 for The Acolyte.

Rating: 4 out of 10

Photo Credit: Disney